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H4

by Hertless

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1.
3:32am 01:36
2.
Paradise 08:30
So very few brief moments interspersed throughout Blue skies, an ever-hotter sun beating down upon the grass Laughs and conversation fill the air, constantly switching places with reverberation of the cars An idealistic world, captured so briefly, yet it's here Does paradise truly exist? The world and I suffer Everything feels so beautiful, but I know this hurt exists I know the pain that resides within me all too well I know how others feel and how it's spread throughout A lost generation, with no prospects of keeping these beautiful days around It feels wrong to enjoy any of these days None of this feels right, none of it feels good If I could take it away I would, show you a history where we persevere under ideal conditions If we could trade places I would Give you the life you so rightly deserve Find a way to leave this earth and trade my place Give it to someone who deserves their own paradise
3.
And some worried nights may never cease Forced to to flee and make a difference, to find and uproot myself Flourishing, declining, brought forth to end this suffering Enduring year after year, patiently and willingly And what if nothing had to be this way? That there was still enough time? The end was neither close nor far Reborn with purpose anew, ever-reeling and fleeting Sated and breathless, will a path ever appear? Every step of progress meant nothing It was always destined to fail Trapped forever in this routine Hope that resides enclosed within the recesses of my mind claw their way forth In fractured, lingering walls scraped, marred and tangled A path formed through necessity, the result of endless restless nights Will I ever find my home? A place to settle down Red and silver branches observed scattered in the white A night so long, engulfing til it's last breath Seconds that feel like hours flowing through my skull And yet it will not be the last
4.
Wasted Time 05:24
Each morning steeped in my regret Overanalysing my use of time I want to be better than this It's such a fruitful endeavour Needlessly running the same scenarios over and over again Rather than just focusing on what's right in front of me It's no way to live I want to be better than this Escape my destructive routines once and for all I have no doubt I will, it's just extremely frustrating After wasting so much time can I finally start living? Can I progress to the other side?
5.
Yearning 07:38
As waking frost seeps through a forgotten window I am reminded of history of this one room It's so easy to forget all that occured within these walls A history so fraught with anguish, anxiety, hopelessness And it was all for fucking nothing None of this torment was shared, I suffer as one Is there any point in convincing me so? To believe this sort of roundabout lie That this life was truly worth living What do you get out of it? Through knowing me? In some sick twisted fantasy I flourish Bereft of the restraints that keep me by Was there ever really a point in convincing me so? In some sick twisted fantasy I flourish Bereft of the restraints that keep me by Was there ever really a point in convincing me so? That this life was truly worth living What do you get out of it? Through knowing me? A life thread through yearning Squeezed beyond the breaking point Living on a planet that is so frustratingly difficult The bright skies become so meaningless admist the fog One could only hope to escape their circumstances by pure luck To find a better way Endless yearning, no way to persevere Lost admist the variables that make up each day
6.
Exhausted 08:00
A latent creeping nervousness  Justifying my end each and every night Scaring myself into believing otherwise Yet a persistent allure taunts me Freeing myself of all of life's pain I see a failure of a son, a brother, to mother, to father I can't complete myself  I do not live for me And yet still I will continue And what if it was all for nothing?  Every feeble attempt, worthless Consumed by my own inaction If recovery was always meant to be this hard, why should I bother? Thrashing out every single night Drained by a clouded soul It feels as if it was never going to make a difference, no matter how hard I try So instinctively involved Every fibre of my being reaches out, looking for a reason to stay here Why should it be so hard? Why should I want to stay? Something that comes so naturally to everyone else I meet It was never meant to be like this  Is there even any other alternative? Is it not just stuck like this? It feels as if I was never going to make a difference Failed at every step, every type of hindrance  There was never any alternative, damned to kick and scream with every stride A hopeless dance, I've lost my heart Please, just let me flourish Feel free for once  It's always felt as if I was never going to make a difference That my path was pre-determined, a bedside beset with regrets
7.
Rot Cycle 05:45
I senselessly indulge in self destructive mechanisms Completely unaware of the damage I'm causing What does it take to break out of a cycle so ingrained? How do you summon the willpower or any amount of strength towards fighting it And why should I suffer? What did I ever do? Longing to be alone, isolated from anyone and everything I've ever loved To peacefully yet regretfully end this existence Yet, I am absolutely terrified of the prospect I love my friends, my family and everyone around me Why must I spend so much of my limited time suffering The rot in my brain so infuriatingly palpable and persistent in its decay It feels almost irreversible in its damages Seeping inside, fed through the rot cycle Never to sleep, caught inside a web of despair I'll never understand why I need to struggle so hard To exist and lead a normal life When for others there's little invovled in that process Relatively pain and anxiety free Lives lead together with one another, rather than something that just happens

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released April 27, 2022

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Hertless Scotland, UK

Solo Depressive Suicidal Black Metal from Scotland.

Hertless was formed in January of 2017.

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