1. |
3:32am
01:36
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2. |
Paradise
08:30
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So very few brief moments interspersed throughout
Blue skies, an ever-hotter sun beating down upon the grass
Laughs and conversation fill the air, constantly switching places with reverberation of the cars
An idealistic world, captured so briefly, yet it's here
Does paradise truly exist? The world and I suffer
Everything feels so beautiful, but I know this hurt exists
I know the pain that resides within me all too well
I know how others feel and how it's spread throughout
A lost generation, with no prospects of keeping these beautiful days around
It feels wrong to enjoy any of these days
None of this feels right, none of it feels good
If I could take it away I would, show you a history where we persevere under ideal conditions
If we could trade places I would
Give you the life you so rightly deserve
Find a way to leave this earth and trade my place
Give it to someone who deserves their own paradise
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3. |
Scattered In The White
07:32
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And some worried nights may never cease
Forced to to flee and make a difference, to find and uproot myself
Flourishing, declining, brought forth to end this suffering
Enduring year after year, patiently and willingly
And what if nothing had to be this way?
That there was still enough time?
The end was neither close nor far
Reborn with purpose anew, ever-reeling and fleeting
Sated and breathless, will a path ever appear?
Every step of progress meant nothing
It was always destined to fail
Trapped forever in this routine
Hope that resides enclosed within the recesses of my mind claw their way forth
In fractured, lingering walls scraped, marred and tangled
A path formed through necessity, the result of endless restless nights
Will I ever find my home? A place to settle down
Red and silver branches observed scattered in the white
A night so long, engulfing til it's last breath
Seconds that feel like hours flowing through my skull
And yet it will not be the last
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4. |
Wasted Time
05:24
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Each morning steeped in my regret
Overanalysing my use of time
I want to be better than this
It's such a fruitful endeavour
Needlessly running the same scenarios over and over again
Rather than just focusing on what's right in front of me
It's no way to live
I want to be better than this
Escape my destructive routines once and for all
I have no doubt I will, it's just extremely frustrating
After wasting so much time can I finally start living?
Can I progress to the other side?
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5. |
Yearning
07:38
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As waking frost seeps through a forgotten window
I am reminded of history of this one room
It's so easy to forget all that occured within these walls
A history so fraught with anguish, anxiety, hopelessness
And it was all for fucking nothing
None of this torment was shared, I suffer as one
Is there any point in convincing me so?
To believe this sort of roundabout lie
That this life was truly worth living
What do you get out of it? Through knowing me?
In some sick twisted fantasy I flourish
Bereft of the restraints that keep me by
Was there ever really a point in convincing me so?
In some sick twisted fantasy I flourish
Bereft of the restraints that keep me by
Was there ever really a point in convincing me so?
That this life was truly worth living
What do you get out of it? Through knowing me?
A life thread through yearning
Squeezed beyond the breaking point
Living on a planet that is so frustratingly difficult
The bright skies become so meaningless admist the fog
One could only hope to escape their circumstances by pure luck
To find a better way
Endless yearning, no way to persevere
Lost admist the variables that make up each day
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6. |
Exhausted
08:00
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A latent creeping nervousness
Justifying my end each and every night
Scaring myself into believing otherwise
Yet a persistent allure taunts me
Freeing myself of all of life's pain
I see a failure of a son, a brother, to mother, to father
I can't complete myself
I do not live for me
And yet still I will continue
And what if it was all for nothing?
Every feeble attempt, worthless
Consumed by my own inaction
If recovery was always meant to be this hard, why should I bother?
Thrashing out every single night
Drained by a clouded soul
It feels as if it was never going to make a difference, no matter how hard I try
So instinctively involved
Every fibre of my being reaches out, looking for a reason to stay here
Why should it be so hard? Why should I want to stay?
Something that comes so naturally to everyone else I meet
It was never meant to be like this
Is there even any other alternative? Is it not just stuck like this?
It feels as if I was never going to make a difference
Failed at every step, every type of hindrance
There was never any alternative, damned to kick and scream with every stride
A hopeless dance, I've lost my heart
Please, just let me flourish
Feel free for once
It's always felt as if I was never going to make a difference
That my path was pre-determined, a bedside beset with regrets
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7. |
Rot Cycle
05:45
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I senselessly indulge in self destructive mechanisms
Completely unaware of the damage I'm causing
What does it take to break out of a cycle so ingrained?
How do you summon the willpower or any amount of strength towards fighting it
And why should I suffer? What did I ever do?
Longing to be alone, isolated from anyone and everything I've ever loved
To peacefully yet regretfully end this existence
Yet, I am absolutely terrified of the prospect
I love my friends, my family and everyone around me
Why must I spend so much of my limited time suffering
The rot in my brain so infuriatingly palpable and persistent in its decay
It feels almost irreversible in its damages
Seeping inside, fed through the rot cycle
Never to sleep, caught inside a web of despair
I'll never understand why I need to struggle so hard
To exist and lead a normal life
When for others there's little invovled in that process
Relatively pain and anxiety free
Lives lead together with one another, rather than something that just happens
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Hertless Scotland, UK
Solo Depressive Suicidal Black Metal from Scotland.
Hertless was formed in January of 2017.
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